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Confessions of a Gay Priest on Hookup Apps

by Anna Avery


Love is simple, says Reverend Paul Anthony Daniels, because β€œin its most visceral form,” it boils down to three things: spit, semen, and sweat. Ok, maybe four. Sometimes there is blood. β€œTo share love in that way is so visceral.”

I have a confession, I tell Daniels. I have never been in loveβ€”not in the Hallmark movie kind of way, at leastβ€”but find myself craving it the older I get, so I’m a little stunned to hear him describe it with such candor. You know, being a priest and all. God is in people, he says. Which means, God is also in sex.

Daniels loves love. He seeks it in everything he does, he tells me, but especially in people. It’s part of his job as an Episcopal priest and a β€œmediator of Christ’s love in the world.” Ceremonially, he is β€œa steward of the sacramentsβ€”the Eucharist, baptism, marriage, confirmation. I invite people into a relationship with God through those sacred ritual acts. But it’s also more than that.”

Face Head Person Photography Portrait Clothing Formal Wear Suit Blazer and Coat

Rev. Paul Anthony DanielsPhotograph: Carianne Older

It’s the more part that’s got me in Los Angeles’ Koreatown sitting across from him in his apartment as he sips from a whiskey glass, going on about desire, salvation, and all the irresistible ways people come together. A graduate of Morehouse College and Yale Divinity School, Daniels, 34, is not your average Episcopal priest. He’s something of a trailblazer. A rogue in a clerical collar.

Although faith has been central to Daniels’ identity since his boyhood in Raleigh, North Carolina, he also grew up with an abiding appreciation for musicβ€”Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, John Mayer. In 2007, he auditioned for season 7 of American Idol and made it all the way to Hollywood Week. β€œAs soon as I walked to the hotel in Pasadena I knew that I was not slated to be one of the young people that they were going to pay attention to,” he says. β€œAll the producers had their eyes on David Archuleta.”

He returned to Raleigh and dug deeper into what eventually became his calling. Being openly gay and Christian meant he had the capacity to β€œsay and do things that could open doors of possibility for people.” Daniels has since made that into his life’s work. Hence the whole spit, semen, sweat thing. There’s a bigger context to all of this, he wants me to know. It also helps that he often gives lectures on these very topicsβ€”β€œsexual socialities as theological questions”—in addition to being a PhD candidate at Fordham University.

Most people today have what Daniels calls a β€œconsumerist devotion built around the consumption of material thingsβ€”bodies, clothes, objects.” The worst instances of that are on social media. He encounters it on Instagram (his favorite dating platform) and the various hookup apps he frequents. Social media, he says, has become a β€œsite of worshipβ€”pun intended.”

Jason Parham: As a priest who uses dating and hookup apps, how do you navigate your relationship to desire?



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